Good Show, Everybody
That was Life on Earth!
We were sad, you know, that the show
couldn’t go on, but we all agreed
that it Would Have Been a Blast.
We expected two Backstage Boys
shaking a sheet of Aluminum Thunder,
but instead we saw a man fall
from the Catwalk. They called it Heaven
& said the man was made of sand.
Before the Space Squids descended
on their ectoplasmic parachutes
we had finally learned to spell words
like “pajamas” & “millennium.”
We literally just got things
like Helium & Online.
We knew not to run with scissors.
We knew our Pilgrim Heritage
was after us with a Meat Cleaver.
Not to brag, but collectively we
invented the words “Bazooka” & “Chintzy.”
We were Very Cross
with the Weatherman’s Curse—
his cheeky bluster & grey felt clouds,
battalions of bugs & lightning bolts
pinned to our trenches & faults.
We put our proverbial tugboat
on the Mississippi
& watched it chug away with
our Barge of Infinite Bullshit.
This was a serious matter.
Some of us wore waterproof mascara.
Some of us stood in black box theaters & bellowed
“I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!”
one more time, for good measure.
No Corroborating Evidence
You must keep your paws off the ice
of the Maritime Disaster Exhibit;
You might melt it. Then the Tragedy
will repeat itself in miniature.
Keep your Hot Breath, please, off the Lifeboats.
Scratch your name off the place setting.
Stick a steak knife in the ice cream.
We know you & what you’re willing to do.
Your table manners are uncouth.
Are you willing to risk it?
Unleash an ice floe in the crab bisque.
You weren’t on the Guest List
in the first place.
No one will know how cold
the water was that night but you.
And I’m sorry to say it but
because you’ve continued to swim
you are an Insufficient Witness
to the foundering ship
of your own suffering.
of the Maritime Disaster Exhibit;
You might melt it. Then the Tragedy
will repeat itself in miniature.
Keep your Hot Breath, please, off the Lifeboats.
Scratch your name off the place setting.
Stick a steak knife in the ice cream.
We know you & what you’re willing to do.
Your table manners are uncouth.
Are you willing to risk it?
Unleash an ice floe in the crab bisque.
You weren’t on the Guest List
in the first place.
No one will know how cold
the water was that night but you.
And I’m sorry to say it but
because you’ve continued to swim
you are an Insufficient Witness
to the foundering ship
of your own suffering.